I've heard it said that the way we speak to our children often becomes their "inner voice"--you know, that little voice in their heads that encourages them to keep moving forward when things get hard or discourages them when they already feel insecure. Sure, kids all experience positive and negative feelings that impact their self-talk, but often, the self-talk children develop comes directly or indirectly from the way their parents or loved ones speak to them. If a child's parents are quick to call out imperfections but slow to affirm positive actions and behaviors, it can negatively impact the relationship and the child's self-talk. So my husband and I are constantly trying to find opportunities to affirm our daughters, often and with sincerity.
I'm no parenting or counseling expert, and I'll be the first to admit, I lose my cool on my kids when emotions are running high. But it's no secret that words of affirmation is my love language, and I want to share some of the fun ways our family is learning to affirm each other to remind each other of our love for one another and of each family member's God-given importance and uniquely cool qualities.
So here are 5 Creative Ways to Affirm Your Child with Your Words:
1. Calendar Candor
Does your household use a family wall calendar that's visible to your child(ren) throughout the week? Or better yet, does your child have his or her own wall calendar? If so, pick 2-3 random dates on the calendar each month to write in positive traits you sincerely love about your child. Affirmations such as: "I love how creative you are!" or "I love how you care for your friends!" or "Your thoughtfulness makes me smile!" are great examples to get you started!
Pro tip: If you're not a wall calendar family, try writing your affirmations on colorful paper and tape them to your child's bedroom door with removeable painter's tape. Write your affirmations on paper hearts in February or pumpkin-shaped cut-outs in October, etc. for extra fun around holidays!
2. Letters of Love
This idea is near and dear to my heart -- not just because I design and sell personalized letter-writing journals in the shop for this very reason (though you should totally check them out here, wink wink!). It's because the written letters and cards from my parents I personally have received and kept over the years are such treasures to me now and I wish I had more from my father who passed away a few years ago.
Need some inspiration on where to start?
Write letters to your child when they win, when they try and don't succeed, or when they did something courageous or difficult. Write to them each birthday or each last day of school, or any given Thursday. And then, whether you decide to share them with your child immediately or wait until another time (such as the day of his or her high school graduation or his or her wedding day), be sure to save your letters in a secure (but known) location to give them to your child when they need them most.
3. Highway Heart-to-Hearts
Perhaps your family is like mine and you find yourself spending an unbelievable amount of hours in the car with your child(ren) each week as you navigate your daily commute to school or various activities. Consider taking advantage of your captive audience in the backseat by asking open-ended questions about their day and then following up with sincere words of affirmation appropriate to their topic of conversation, such as, "I'm really proud of how you handled that difficult moment" or "You have such a considerate heart - I'm so thankful for you!".
4. Lunchtime Loveys
Lunchbox notes are my jam -- seriously! I love hearing my kids' giggles in the back seat of the car after school as they chat with one another about what goofy drawings and puns their daddy and I doodle and write on the notes we place in their lunch boxes each evening while packing their school lunches for the next day.
Some of our handwritten notes are more affirming ("Good luck on your test today - We're so proud of how hard you have worked!") and some are just fun and silly ("Fun Fact - Did you know that Taco Cat is spelled the same way backward?"), but both types of notes are little reminders that we love them and think about them during the day when we're not together.
5. Calming Conversation
It's generally accepted by most parents and pediatricians that creating and maintaining a consistent, predictable, and enjoyable bedtime routine is a wonderful way to improve a child's sleep, but did you know that it can also reduce stress and anxiety and is a fantastic way to create bonding opportunities between you and your child?
The words your child hears from you each evening are usually the last thing their ears hear before they drift off to sleep. This is the perfect opportunity to affirm their hearts.
Our daughters love their bedtime routine in which their daddy and I spend one-on-one time with each of them in their bedrooms reading bedtime stories aloud, praying together, and discussing their day. I so appreciate my husband's intentional habit of opening up conversation with our daughters each night with these three consistent prompts: "What was your favorite part of your day?", "Where did you see someone doing something kind today?", and "Do you have any prayer requests for our time talking to God this evening before we go to bed?". And they know without fail each evening as he leaves their bedroom that he is going to reaffirm his love for them with the words, "You are sweet and you are strong." No matter what has happened in their day or what their little hearts are anxious about for the day ahead, they close their eyes knowing they are loved by their parents and their Heavenly Father, and what a difference that makes!
So there you have it - five creative ways to affirm your child with your words! I'd love to hear how YOUR family loves to affirm one another! Leave a comment below or connect with me on Instagram!
@lissasuedesigns
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